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One of the blogs I follow recently had a “conversation” (and I use that term loosely) about the c-word.
Don’t worry, I won’t get into it. Already dealt with that one, anyway.
I was struck most by the overwhelming number of responses on the momversation that indicated that “it’s nobody’s business” and “who are they to question my parenting?”. Sure, everyone has different parenting techniques, and different things work for different people, but there’s a basic understanding that to be a good parent, you need to try and avoid chopping off body parts.
And we say those things, but…do we really mean it? Do we really think that “whatever floats your boat” is a good way to navigate parenting? To navigate life?
Hmmm…
Say you see a mother beating her kid in the Kroger parking lot, apparently not a simple disciplinary spanking. It’s obviously hurting the child. Do you say anything?
What about if it was a dog? In a story by Anne Lamott, she sees a man abusing a dog on the beach. And she’s powerless to even speak, to say anything that would get the man to stop. What’s worse is that her son is watching, seeing the abuse, calling it by its name, and watching his mother do nothing.
What if the parent was locking the child in a closet, and you knew about it? Would you say something- to anyone that could change it?
What if the issue were FGM?
A good friend recently had his first baby, a little boy. I asked if they were planning on a circ, and he said, “Yeah. Why not?? I had one and I don’t remember it.”
When we get to the point that it’s ok to hurt our children, as long as they don’t remember the abuse, haven’t we lost it? Isn’t that where the boat stops floating, and we’re left in the deep end?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, since I am by no means clear on this. Where does our responsibility to others intersect their personal freedom? At what point do we become the neighborhood watch?
R and I have been talking about St. Adelaide the Righteous’ schooling for this coming year. She’ll be entering Kindergarten, so we’re faced with that age-old and probably over-debated question of public vs. private. I’m not in the mood to discourse eloquently on the topic of public school education, being New Years’ moody and horrifically glued to the news from Gaza. And so we poll.
1. Her private, church-based preschool has a K class, after which we’d still be faced with the same decision. Pros: she knows everyone, we’ve had a positive experience there, we are well known by the administration. Cons: cost (not too bad at around $200 a month), at the end of 2009 we’d still have a decision to make, the student population is fairly white-bread homogeneous.
2. Public. Although the system for our county is one of the best in the state, the particular school to which she’d be assigned is less so. Pros: diversity, continuity in future years, closeness to our house, bus service. Cons: the school has a poverty level of 76% and almost half of the students don’t speak English.
3. Private A: Faith-based school which I attended through HS. Pros: private education, small classes, high parent involvement. Cons: prohibitive pricing (around $1000/month for K, rises from there), the homogeneity that characterizes such institutions, fairly straight-laced philosophy.
4. Private B: Catholic private school fairly close to home. R is Catholic, so this option appeals to him, though he’s wanting the best option for St. A, regardless of where it may be. Pros: small, private, high parent involvement. Cons: lack of diversity, cost- though not as much as Private A, it’s more than Option 1. Potential of hearing nun jokes for the rest of her life (that might be a pro…).
Any thoughts? What are your considerations for your child’s education?
Parental cross to bear: childcare.
I have had my kids in childcare since I was a single mom, out of necessity. I wish I could be financially capable of staying home, but it’s not an option for us right now. My first childcare provider was a friend who watched St. Adelaide the Righteous for $5 an hour. She was doing me a favor.
Number 2 was referred by a friend, but her house smelled like dog and old food, and the kiddos were sick at least once every two weeks.
Number 3 is my current provider, an older lady with Pomeranians. She charges us whether we take the kids or not, gets paid 52 weeks a year even though she works 48, and requires payment a week in advance. She provides the food and diapers, but I’ve arrived at many different times and seen the kids parked in front of the TV, with her on the computer or phone.
So this weekend I had to look for a new place. I have some general criteria: flexibility, cleanliness, and lack of TV watching. You would think these would be givens. Yeah, not so much…
Number 4: middle aged lady with 25-year-old assistant, with an old house that she’s fixing up. She’s only been in business 3 months, but the house on the inside is clean, neat, and obviously well-planned for having kids around. No yard, though, and the neighborhood is questionable.
Number 5: nice lady, great space, but husband is a smoker and smokes inside the house. I’m not sure how someone can run a successful daycare with a smoker in the house (he apparently doesn’t work). This is a dealbreaker for me.
Is it so rare to find a stay-at-home mom, who’d like to take in a couple of extra kids 3 days a week, who doesn’t smoke and is favorable to cleanliness, has a back yard to play in, and is flexible about days off?
OOH OOH. I am SO going to use the poll feature for this one. Tell me what you think.
I have been so distracted by the weather lately that it’s been hard to focus on anything. This is my brain’s internal dialogue usually:
Dress kids… Prayer…Make coffee…Do Grades… Car needs oil change… Kiss husband… Dinner plans… Laundry… Project Runway… Church… Time for school…Checkups… (etc.)
This is my brain on Fall.
FAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!! LeavesLeavesLeavesWINDWHOOOOOSHHHHYummyyummyPUMPKIIIINNNS!SweaterbabytightsscarvesMOTHBALLScinnamonnutmegLEAVESLEAVESLEAVESwhooooooooshhhhhhhSQUASHbaby yeahhhhhhhhhPumpkin PIIIIIEEEEyummyyummyApplesWINDleavesleavesleavesWHOOOOOOSHHHHHH
So it’s been a little hard to concentrate. Does anyone else get this way about a specific time of year, or is it just me?
Mais oui, madame...
This…this right here is what I would extract, bottle, and sell as a high-end fragrance to all those who don’t think they have the time, or the talent, or the wherewithal, to have kids. Because this is what gets me out of bed in the mornings, this smile that’s just for me. And it’s contagious. Tell me you’re not smiling.
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