Had this conversation lately? I seem to have had it at least once a day with various and sundry around me. Is it a symptom of my age/social status/cultural group that this is happening? Or is the Big Man upstairs trying to tell me something in his usual whispering/2×4-to-the-head way?

I am so not in the mood for another kid.

The Seconds conversation is the conversation you have with people when they ask any permutation of the lexical items following:

baby + another/other/more/additional + you + soon/ever/again

Examples include the oh-so-classy “So when are you guys having another one?” – this I’d call the Whopper approach. My cholesterol hasn’t returned to post-BK levels, but throw me another one on that tray. Have it YOUR way!Git it on! Seconds, please!

Then there’s the slightly more couth “Are you guys thinking of having any more?” – usually spoken in an undertone, off to one side, but can also be blurted by the usher at church as he hands you the Sunday program. Peace be with you. And don’t forget to procreate.

I’m not sure if it’s the circles I tread, but the urge/pressure to have kids is overwhelming. It’s like a given. You can’t have that much on your plate! Bring another life into the world! As if my memory is faulty, my pocketbook deep, my sanity endless.


And I’m not surrounded by the Quiverfull wackos, either. It’s true that the Catholic church is big on procreation for its own sake, but my parish is less so, and families are rarely over three or four kids. I was raised with three siblings, and know the challenges we had to face, financially and otherwise, of a large family. R has two siblings, and has never wished for more. Our reality is not amenable to another child at this point, but when is it ever? Is it better to do something well or to do it a lot? From a biological standpoint, why do females ovulate for so long? And why are humans so frisky even into the elder years? Why am I still thinking about more kids???

Conflicted much?

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9 Responses to Seconds?

  1. KathyB! says:

    With four kids I tend to get the opposite reaction…

    But my take is this; remember when you got pregnant with your first? You probably wanted that baby. You may have actively pursued pregnancy. When you feel that way about another one, THEN you try. The emotions you feel now are the build-up. You’ll either get to the previously mentioned stage or it will pass.

  2. wellwateredgarden says:

    The next time someone asks if/when you are having another child … smile sweetly and say, “No, are you?” Repeat as necessary and the whole thing will soon go away.

  3. I just feel like there is so much I was pushing against when I didn’t understand myself. I was in such a mood of not wanting another one, actually angry that I had chosen to be a mother of even just one, when I accidentally got pregnant with my second (that’s the 2×4 to the head that God sent me). Then I was wishing for a miscarriage, thinking “please I do not want this baby.” But now I’ve totally fallen for him and I’ve realized so much about my emotions vs. myself. I used to think that what I felt was who I was (especially in high school, LOL!). But I don’t think that anymore.

    Maybe you would like reading this post. This family isn’t quiverfull, but they are now parenting their fourth. The comments are also really nice.

  4. antropologa says:

    Well you’re young enough that there’s no deadline quite yet!

  5. Gibby says:

    I never thought I could have another child after my first. How could I love anyone as much as I did this one? For sure there was no more room in my heart. Wrong. I was so wrong. I can’t imagine life without my second. My heart grew with her. And could it grow again? Sure, but my heart and my head got together and agreed that two was good for me. When you stop asking yourself if you should have another, that’s when you know. It doesn’t matter what everyone else asks or says.

    P.S. Love your blog, found you through Kathy B!, I can’t remember if I already said that, if so, chalk it up to mommy brain.

  6. faemom says:

    People love babies. They want to see more of them. Catholics especially so. Tell them you’re thinking about it. That’ll shut them up for a year.

  7. I like the “No, are you?” approach! Clever and funny.

  8. i wouldn’t be offended by it… most people ask those questions just because they are looking for a way to start conversation with you and that is the easiest question.

    I get it all the time. I just laugh and say.. I am done!

  9. Karen says:

    I respond basically the same as Mojavi .. except i laugh, roll my eyes to heaven and say unless the big man in heaven wants us to have a 4th child .. we are definitely not planning on any more! 😉

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