N-O spells…

Yes, of course I have time to meet with you. Allow me to ferret out my grade sheets from last semester, put off the grading and planning I have to do, and continue to ignore my frigid coffee so we can discuss the issue of your D-, which has already been submitted and is now part of your permanent transcript, and therefore unalterable.

Ah, here it is…well, as you can see from the list of “possible points” versus “points earned”, there is quite a discrepancy.

Um, yeah. That means you didn’t do the work.

This assignment? You were absent.

Yeah, that one too.

Aaaaand that one.

And this 0 is for the quiz you forgot about when you came back from visiting your uncle in Las Vegas.

It was on the syllabus.

And I reminded everyone for several days beforehand. No, you weren’t in class. Did you email me to get your assignments? Hmmmm….I don’t see anything in my inbox.

Yes, it’s possible that I deleted it. Let’s look in my email trash. Uh-oh, it’s not here. Oh yes, of course- a computer glitch. Must be.

Thank you for that compliment. I’m sure you know how reaffirming it is for a teacher to hear that they were “always unprepared for the class” and “never gave any instructions”. Yes, my friend, that’s how I roll. I have an advanced degree and expect you to read my mind. I don’t require that you give me any work at all if you don’t feel like it, and never mind about coming to class. I can discern that you are a storehouse of knowledge when it comes to English grammar, so I’ll just scoot you up to a C and move you to the next level. Integrity? Bah- who needs it!? Let me just turn heaven and earth and make things aaaaaalllll better, k?

Now let me finish my coffee.



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12 Responses to N-O spells…

  1. antropologa says:

    See, that’s why it’s nice my current post doesn’t require me to give grades.

  2. ck says:

    It seems like the kids in your classroom behave younger than the kids in your home…

  3. Amy O. says:

    Nervy. Wow.
    p.s. Could you dump the frigid coffee on student’s head?

  4. Jen says:

    I forwarded this to several professors and TAs that I know. They loved it. One wrote back to me, “Wow, that’s SO true! The only thing it left out was when the student asks for extra credit assignments after the semester or stoops to trying to bribe you by offering to wash your car”

  5. Evenshine says:

    Jen- Wait a minute….why haven’t *I* ever been bribed???? I might just take them up on it if they were offering leaf raking or laundry folding!

  6. Jen says:

    You would think that when people pay for education they would take it more seriously. I know I did.

  7. Ink says:

    Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! (On your behalf.)

  8. insider53 says:

    Obviously N-O spells Whine……wah!!!!! Do they ever grow up?

  9. faemom says:

    I guess being a prof can suck some days. And I agree with Jen, if you’re paying, then have some respect.

  10. KathyB! says:

    I keep toying with going back for a PhD… since you have such earth moving capacities I would like you to teach me 🙂

    And yes, I’m dripping with sarcasm.

  11. evenshine says:

    KB! Nice to see you back ’round. I’d be your classmate any day!!!

  12. Pingback: Dear well-intentioned administrator… « Evenshine’s Weblog

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