Has anyone else read the eight different kinds of crazy (to use TKW’s phrase) that is this article on stars’ baby names? Being a baby name trend afficionada (I know, NERD ALERT!), I had to spend some time with the prescription-drug induced whack-jobs that are parents in L.A.
Having gone on on record before as being against the psychosis of idiotic child naming practices, this was a treat. On one hand, I have to laud the inventiveness of these Hollywood starlets. It’s a breath of fresh California air NOT to hear twenty-nine variations of Kayla or Madison, Jacob or Aidan (Aiden? Eiden? Ayden? Eyden??!!). I praise them for not adding to the hoarde of Isabellas and Olivias that will descend upon future classrooms.
However….what kind of jiggy juice was Nicole Richie jugging when she decided that avian life was suitable inspiration for her child? Sparrow Midnight is going to have issues. Elementary school kids can be hella-mean. “Sparrow” is going to spend quite a few recesses stuffed in the janitor’s closet, methinks.
And can someone tell Anne Heche to lay off the peyote? I’m quick to chalk up her unhappy choice of “Atlas Tupper” to her long history of cuckoo, but her first child, bravely named Homer Laffoon, makes me officially question her sanity. Seriously, Anne? Were you going for dork or just wandering into psychotica-land for “laffs”?
The cream of the proverbial (and artistically deranged) crop has got to be Jamie Oliver, of Naked Chef fame. I can tell you, he can work a mean puff pastry shepherd’s pie, but the poor deranged thing needs guidance on child-naming. Baby girl Petal Blossom Rainbow joined the crew this year at Rainbow Brite headquarters: sisters Daisy Boo and Poppy Honey will play in the strawberry patch together, I’m sure. And isn’t a petal part of a blossom? Stick to the kitchen, Jamie honey. Wait- “Jamie Honey”…hmmmm…..