How to know it’s almost Spring Break

No, I can’t take it, sorry. You know my policy on late work.

Yes, I agree, your steady average of 35% is a tad worrisome.

Yes, I, too, hope that your final exam saves you, though I might as well hope that I wake up tomorrow as Angelina Jolie on a Jimmy Choo bender.

No, I don’t think that it would help to do copious amounts of extra, unassigned work.

Mostly ’cause I won’t grade it.

Mostly ’cause it would be unfair to every other reliable, dedicated student taking the course.

You know, those people in class with you. The ones that DID do the work- on time.

And yes, I am overlooking the assignment that your roommate wrote for you.

No, the other one.

Ummmm….ok, the third one.

No, I don’t care if your dad is going to whup you.

In fact, I’d whup you if it were legally permissible. Preferably with your other teachers looking on and cheering me on. Maybe even recording it to post to YouTube.

Yes, I will have mercy. See that student over there? The one who was absent last week? You know why he was absent? He had a kidney removed. THAT is an excuse, my little pea-dumpling. THAT is a reason for clemency. THAT is why I will turn around right now, stop you mid-plea, and walk back into my office. Not because I despise you, or like him, but because I’m officially done with this haggling session. I get enough of this with my five-year-old. But do take a cookie on your way out.

No, I don’t provide napkins.

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11 Responses to How to know it’s almost Spring Break

  1. ck says:

    I really wish I’d had you as a teacher. As a nerd who always handed everything in on time, the way you handle your classes sound refreshing!

  2. Empathy oozing from my pores. For you. Not the student. I am a thoughtful person. I feel for those students who have issues. I bend over backward to assume that every student will have one serious glitch and need lenience.
    but this made me laugh out loud: He had a kidney removed. THAT is an excuse, my little pea-dumpling.
    It’s so ludicrous, isn’t it, that they have no sense of what is actually unfair in the real world. I’m gonna go tell my four-year old so he knows. Can I have a cookie, though? Please. I’ll leave you my extra credit assignment, which I always have prepped because I plagiarized it several semesters ago for just such an occasion…

  3. Ink says:

    Standing ovation, Evenshine!!!

  4. les says:

    ahaha! I can see that teacher needs a break!

    I’m so glad there are teachers out there that reward responsibility–and try to instill it into the ones that feel entitled.

  5. erin says:

    BUT! umph! … huuuuuh…

  6. Some kid actually used a daddy-whuppin’ defense? Do you teach the third grade?

  7. amy2boys says:

    Bless your heart. I’m so glad this was never me in college! (High school might have been a little different at times.)

  8. antropologa says:

    I’m jealous you are teaching. 🙂 My class didn’t make!

  9. faemom says:

    I can’t imagine dealing with that All The Time. (Because I’m going to bet this isn’t the first or last student to do that.) You’re a good woman, a good professor. I hope the punk learned his lesson.

  10. Amazing! Is this really what you have to deal with? I was never that student and I hope that idiot does get his whupping….

    However, I have to doubt that as a valid excuse if 35% is the average..any kid in their right mind or a least a kid with a healthy fear of their parents..wouldn’t even think of pulling that one out of the hat.

  11. Carrie_in_TN says:

    I hope my kid gets you for a teacher one day…unless you hit la loto and end up with that jimmy choo bender and move to a villa in the South of France.

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