That creepin’ feelin’

Lately it’s been hard to write, hard to piece together something coherent. It’s not like my life is any more tragic than anyone else’s, or necessarily any better. It’s not that work is hard, though it is frequently. And it’s not like there aren’t plenty of current events in the news to bemoan and decry.

I think I’ve been inundated in a severe lack of blogesteem.

So many bloggers out there are Real Writers, each post a careful paean to their literary genius. They usually make it look so effortless. Each day a fresh insight- a fresh look at some mundane topic that I have thought (to myself), “I should write something about that.” And then, turning to my faithful Bloglines- oops!- someone beat me to it, and beat me good and well, to boot.

Many others have the connection thing going on- they link to some major blog engine, and get huge amounts of traffic through there. As if having a widget was a badge of honor, and (frequently though not always) they are. Or, they have the “best post of the week”, or the “darn good blogger” shoutout. They make connections by sticking widgets on each other. When I am in the depths of blog envy I bemoan my un-flaired blog.

And then I sit back, and breathe, and try and remember why I began blogging in the first place. It wasn’t for widgets or a huge blogroll or to run countless giveaways (though I love me a giveaway!!). It wasn’t to become a Real Writer, either, though I’m sure my college-student past would be shocked. It wasn’t to have a readership of thousands, and never to have time to respond to comments, and not to be able to read others’ blogs in a thoughtful, leisurely way.

So, dear reader (if you have made it thus far), thank you for reading. I’m reading you, too. Thanks for being part of my blog experience. You have made it richer, and more meaningful, and I am glad to have found you, glad you found me.

Even without widgets.

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10 Responses to That creepin’ feelin’

  1. amy2boys says:

    The same thing happens to me. I wonder where they get the time to first, think of these wonderful little insights and second, write something so well about it. I have insights, gosh darnit! But I’m lucky to slap up a picture and a recipe. Am I really busier? I somehow doubt it. I also get beat to the punch. It amazes me how often I am considering posting about something and BLAM – someone posts about that very thing.

    Your blog is one of my favorites. Thank you for being part of MY blog experience.

  2. Jane says:

    You have just written what I have felt, too, from time to time. I’ll read someone else who beat me to the punch about some topic and they’ve done such a beautiful job I think, why bother? What could I possibly say that can top that? That’s why, most days, I write BEFORE I read. Sometimes reading other blogs just sucks the wind from my sails and I’m left with nothing! I just want YOU to know that I’m glad I found you. I enjoy checking in here. And I love what you have to say.

  3. ck says:

    Sometimes reading other people’s blogs, yours included, depresses the crap out of me because I was *just* about to write on the very topic. So I keep a running list of ideas I have of things I’d like to eventually write about. I feel like everything online – especially in the mom community – is cyclical, so I sit on the ideas for awhile and wait. (Currently my list is 3 pages, single-spaced. So yeah…it’s happened to me a few times.)

  4. antropologa says:

    I don’t believe I even know what a widget is!

  5. evenshine says:

    Antro- those badgy-thingies on many people’s sidebars. Can also be calendars, blogrolls, et al.

  6. Gibby says:

    There are many times when I feel the same way. I don’t know why, because I started blogging merely to get into the habit of writing again, and to keep a journal of sorts for my girls to read later. (Sort of to let them know that their mom is human, more or less.) What difference is it if people comment on that? But for some reason it does make a difference. I had no idea what blogging was really all about when I first started. I truly feel that I have made friends along the way, moms who feel the same as me and moms who have different perspectives. I think it’s great to read several different views on the same topic…different views is what makes the world go round. So I say, if someone already wrote about a topic, go ahead and write about it anyhow! I, for one, would love to read it.

  7. faemom says:

    Rule One of Blog Writing: Never read other people’s posts before you write. They either a) seem like better writers or b) stolen your idea straight out of your head. Bastards. As for: “So many bloggers out there are Real Writers, each post a careful paean to their literary genius,” it’s why I aim low and barely proof read. Too much competition out there. And I totally would send you an award if I kept any that was given to me. I just don’t know how to pass them on.

    And if it makes you feel better, I miss you in your silences. I also miss you when I can’t get a moment to read you. I’m so glad you write!

  8. cynthia says:

    Hmmm. I’m just getting caught up on your older posts and can admit to having similar thoughts, fleeting as they often are. I too am glad you write.

  9. Mrs.Mayhem says:

    I can totally relate to this post. I’m new to blogging, and I have days when I wonder why I ever thought I could.

    Then I remember the reason I started: to have a log for myself and my children to remember this time of our lives in detail. So I trudge on, knowing I’m not the best write or the most original… but I write what reflects our lives.

  10. Ink says:

    Evenshine, you ARE a real writer. A beautiful writer. An amazing, thought-provoking writer.

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