Yeechh words 2, or, mucus plug and membranes

Just say it out loud…muuuuuuucus pluuughhhh.

One of the less-talked-about stages of labor and delivery.

My highly scientific and thoroughly researched…ummm…research tells me that the losing of one’s plug can happen weeks before giving birth. WEEKS. And I am 40 weeks TODAY. Last night I had very regular Braxton-Hicks for several hours and thought (as I glowed with the aura that only the very, very pregnant have- it’s called hot sweats) that it was happening AT LAST!!! Break out the Boppy and call the in-laws!

Nope.

Instead, how about: run around like a moose (the only available level of grace at 40 weeks) and realize your toenails aren’t polished (the horror!) and run a quick bath to shave all available parts-that-will-be-shared-with-total-strangers and feed the fish and water the flowers on the balcony even though you did it the same morning and finish that last load of laundry and tweeze your eyebrows for the pictures and put yourself into shock with the number of golden oreos you can throw down and vacuum the living room and collapse in bed to incessantly move from one uncomfortable position to another while every time you move your husband rockets from the bed to his feet shouting “Que paso?????”

I do so highly recommend it.

But on with the yeechh words. How about “stripping your membranes”? SIGN ME UP. A nice service offered by my midwife yesterday at our checkup, where a procedure not unlike picking your nose happens in the hoo-ha regions instead of your nasal passages, it is intended to release prostaglandins that make you go into labor.  I declined the a-la-carte offering as graciously as I could. Maybe they should call it something else- like “opening of the petals” or “budda on lotus leaf”. ‘Cause stripping is all good for paint and chicks in dental hygenist school, but for this oreo-eating moose, it’s a bit too evocative.

Yeah, still waiting. Hormonal much?

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One Response to Yeechh words 2, or, mucus plug and membranes

  1. antropologa says:

    Well, the longer you wait, the closer it is. Does that help? No?

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